I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
