I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
