I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
