FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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