Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
