i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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