I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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