i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
someone owes me an orgasm
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
