Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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