I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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