You're a womanizer and a bitch.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
