I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
