help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
