life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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