he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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