I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
