Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
