As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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