I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize