How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
