Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
