Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
