im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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