you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
