Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
