you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize