apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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