I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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