I wish I could punch you in the face.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize