Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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