i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
