He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize