Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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