She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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