she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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