I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
