Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
