Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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