yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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