My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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