And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
