genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
