I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
