my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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