Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
