great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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