She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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