she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
