There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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