I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
