i just wanna soil my oats bro
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
