No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
