I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
