i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
