roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As shirtless as possible
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
