Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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