Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
