I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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