just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
