you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize