The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
