No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
