the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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