i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
