Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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