Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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