you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
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