I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
