When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
