why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
