The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I checked into jail on foursquare
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
