just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
