Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
