So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
