the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Shame - the story of my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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