If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize