Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We left the knife in your bed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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