I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
