My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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