I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize