dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
