You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
