Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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