I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When are your genitals available?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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