I think I am morally bankrupt
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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