My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We smell like vodka and hangover
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