Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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