i just google imaged poop.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
