A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize