Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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