My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
