can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
