Your mouth is God's brothel.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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