If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
