a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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