Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize