This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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