I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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