i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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