Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
