is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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