did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
