You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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