I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is wine microwaveable?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
