i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize