I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize