oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
