u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize